Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Start Where You Are

The screens were off. The lights were dim. Everything was quiet. Everyone was gone.

Last Sunday, I stuck around a little bit later than usual after the last service at my church let out. Sometimes, I stay behind and sit in in the back row of the empty sanctuary.

I think many times we fear silence. We try to fill up our lives with noise and busyness just to keep ourselves distracted from what we’re dealing with or going through (I know I do sometimes). But it’s in the silence where we can hear God’s voice above all else. And I really, really just wanted to hear God’s voice in that moment.

I lowered my head, closed my eyes and poured out everything I had been holding back. That’s another thing I fear -- letting it all out. Becoming vulnerable before God. Thing is, He already knows what's going on with me. He just waits for me to come to Him. And I had been holding off for too long.

I was asking why I've been feeling so stuck lately? Why I feel like I'm going nowhere? That’s when two words finally surfaced that cut to the heart of everything:

I’m scared.

I’m scared of trying and then failing. I’m scared of trying to do something new and looking stupid while doing it. I’m scared of opening up myself and getting hurt. I’m scared of what I don’t know. I'm scared to start.

I’ve gotten comfortable -- too comfortable -- and I’m scared of getting uncomfortable. But being comfortable doesn’t lead to growth. Comfortable doesn’t change lives. Comfortable doesn’t leave a mark or make an impact. I’m not content with being comfortable; it’s not the ultimate goal.

So I’m stuck in the middle, wrestling with this tension between comfort and discomfort, action and inaction.

I’ve been paralyzed by lies I’ve chosen to believe about taking action: You have to do it all now. You have to do it perfectly. You have to have every single step mapped out.

It’s easy to get intimidated by big dreams and big goals and then deciding it’s not worth pursuing them.

But I don’t have to do everything at once -- it can be done one step at a time. It doesn’t have to be perfect -- it never was supposed to be, and that’s okay. And I don’t have to know the end before I begin -- if that were always the case, I’d never start anything.

In some ways I’m still scared, but if I wait until I’m not afraid to do what I know God has called me to do, I’ll never do it. So I’ll do it while I’m still scared of what I’ll find and unsure of how it’ll end.

God is still here. He never left and He never will. He’s here with me in my fear and He’ll be with me wherever He’s taking me. That’s all the assurance I need.

Start where you are.

Start with what you have.

Start even when you’re scared.

1 comment :

  1. Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10

    Definitely praying for you!